"The hearing that is only in the ears is one
thing. The hearing of understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit
is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear or the mind. Hence it demands
emptiness of all of the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, the whole
being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you
that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind."
-Chuang-Tzu
“When you
talk you repeat what you already know, when you listen, you often learn
something.” Jared Sparks - Born 1789
These two books by Kay Lindahl informed the following address.
Address:
I am going to begin today by asking you a
question.
Are you listening?
Are you really listening?
If I
asked you this question in the course of the day then generally the answer will
be yes – but it will only be yes because my question has prompted you to pay
attention and I would wonder if you were really listening before I asked the
question.
Of course when I ask the
question from here in the pulpit then I expect the answer to be yes because this is the beginning of my address and I would hope that it is the one
bit that you would actually be listening to if not all the way through. But, I ask you to consider the scenario of a
couple at home, maybe after one or both of them has come in from work and wants
to unburden some of their day. How often
does the partner really listen, how often do they only appear to be listening –
and how often are those words uttered, possibly with an exasperated tone –
‘Are
you listening to me?’
Have you ever
asked that question? Or, more importantly have you had the question asked of you?
What was it Kay Lindahl said in my second reading?
“Perhaps one of the most precious and powerful gifts
we can give another person is to really listen to them, to listen with quiet,
fascinated attention, with our whole being, fully present.”
How often do we give that gift to another person,
especially to the ones we love? It is
not always easy, to listen in such a way, and yet it is something that we really should endeavour to try
and do. Listen, and listen fully.
One of the ways in which we show that we are not really
listening is when we jump in with an answer inappropriately – maybe at the
wrong time or with the wrong words. We
don’t only have to think about listening but we also need to think about the
words we use and the way we use them.
Kay Lindahl says about words and conversation:
“Words, words, words, words. When we talk with each other, you may think
we are having a discussion, when what I expected was a dialogue.
Dialogue comes from the Greek dia,
which means 'through,' combined with logos. Dialogue literally means
words flowing through. In a flow of conversation, new understandings emerge
that might not have been present otherwise. Dialogue, conducted in a spirit of
enquiry and a genuine desire to understand, is an open-ended exploration.”
Discussion though is rather different, Kay says:
“Discussion comes from the
Latin dis, which means 'apart,' and quatere, 'to shake'.
Discussion has the same root as percussion and concussion, meaning to break
things up. In a conversation each person is analysing the subject, looking for
answers, results or agreement.
There is another way to
distinguish these words. Discussion leads from the intellect. Dialogue leads
from the heart. Each can certainly be based on either heart or intellect, but
the overall context is different. One is not better than the other - both are
valid means of communicating. It's simply useful to know where you are.
Most of the time we dance back
and forth between discussion and dialogue. We make no distinction, which often
leads to misunderstandings. If I think we are having an open-ended exploration
and you think we are going to resolve a problem, we are really in two different
kinds of conversations. Distinguishing which type of conversation we are having
leads to greater understanding.
There are also topics that
seem to be nondiscussable. No one mentions them - they are just there, underneath
the surface, blocking deep heart-to-heart communication. The dialogue process
provides a safe space for these conversations.
We live in a world that blurs the lines between dialogue and discussion.”
There is too, the time when words themselves hold a hidden meaning.
Often in the Jesus story we hear how Jesus taught by using parables –
disguising his real message within a story so that ‘Only those with ears to
hear’ would truly understand. (Those words appear at least on nine occasions in the gospel stories.) And how
often did Jesus have to admonish his disciples for not understanding.
We too disguise our feelings and our messages
by not always articulating them clearly, in fact by just plain hiding
them. How often the question, ‘How are
you today?’ is answered with ‘Well, I am okay – but how are you?’ That okay can hide a multitude of things, it
can mean ‘well physically I feel alright but when it comes to my
feelings well I’m not okay, in fact I’m really depressed.’ Or conversely ‘I
feel okay in my head but the pain my arthritis is causing is really not good today.’
But rather than go into it we gloss over it with – ‘I am ok’ and then evade
giving more information by batting the question back with, ‘and how are
you?’
Do we hear those hidden messages
or do we pick up on the deeper meaning?
Of course in our conversations we don’t only have to consider the words,
an important part of valuable conversation is being able to use silence or
allow silence to occur. But we often
have problems with silence. Kay Lindahl again asks:
“Have you ever noticed the discomfort with silence in our culture?
Think about the last time someone called for a moment of silence in a public
gathering.” . . . or, perhaps when I ask you to be silent during the meditative
prayer. “The first ten to fifteen seconds are usually comfortable. After that,
people tend to get restless and cough, rustle paper, cross and uncross their
legs, clear their throats.”
Well it is the same in a conversation, just think about how you react to
a silence or a lull in a conversation.
“It's as though there is an unwritten rule that whenever there's a hint
of silence, someone must fill the vacuum with a rush of words. We start to talk
faster and faster. Listening quickly takes a back seat to talking.
The power of silence though, gives us breathing room. There is wisdom in
the silence. It can alter our perceptions and ability to see what is happening.
It can give clarity
in the midst of apparent chaos."
Kay Lindahl suggests that there are three qualities
that are essential to the practice of deep listening and these are silence, reflection
and presence.
• Silence, she says, creates the space for listening to God. It provides time to explore our
relationship to the Source of our being, whatever we take that source to be. Not
only does it allow this connection with our inner selves but the practice of
being in this silence can nurture our capacity to listen to others.
• Reflection gives us access to listening for our inner voice.
The practice of taking a few breaths before responding to a situation, question
or comment gives time for your true wisdom to reveal itself. It's a slowing
down, waiting, practising patience.
• Presence is the awareness of listening to another, of
connecting at the heart level. The practice of taking a mundane, ordinary
activity and giving it your full attention,
for example washing your hands or brushing your teeth, trains your
concentration and your ability to be in the present moment with another. This
is often known as the practice of mindfulness that is espoused in the Buddhist
tradition and especially by the Tibetan monk Thich Nhat Hanh.
Often listening can be a valuable spiritual practice, whether it is
listening to others or just being silent with ourselves and listening to our
internal voice. It is only when we
practice being silent that we can hear that inner voice – that is often
referred to as the ‘still, small voice’ that sometimes can be felt in times of
meditative prayer.
The Catholic priest Henri Nouwen says this about the art of
contemplation and silence.
“The word is born in silence, and silence is the
deepest response to the word.”
This practice of silent listening is important for
our spiritual wellbeing – an area that we often forget to nourish in our busy,
daily lives.
Kay Lindahl says:
“Connecting with the sacred in daily life leads to a sense of inner peace,
even in the midst of chaos. We experience a wholeness that transcends our
differences. We find ourselves in community, with feelings of gratitude and
growing compassion for others.”
Continue this practice into our conversations with each other and we
will find that ....
“When we talk to each other about our fears and dreams, we open up the
space for hope. When we learn how to listen to ideas that conflict with our own
without becoming defensive, our hearts begin to open and we start to see each
other as part of one human family. We connect at a deep level. When we practice
the sacred art of listening, we also learn the art of conversation. It is this
type of conversation that can transform our world.”
Maybe this is how we will be able to bring about peace in our world by truly listening.
So may it be.
Amen.
We concluded with the hymn Do You Hear? (No: 33 - Hymns for Living)
Do you
hear, 0 my friend, in the place where you stand,
Through
the sky, through the land, do you hear, do you hear,
In the
heights, on the plain, in the vale, on the main,
In the
sun, in the rain, do you hear, do you hear?
Through
the roar, through the rush, through the throng, through the crush,
Do you
hear in the hush of your soul, of your soul,
Hear
the cry fear won't still, hear the heart's call to will,
Hear a
sigh's startling trill, in your soul, in your soul?
From
the place where you stand, to the outermost strand,
Do you
hear, 0 my friend, do you hear, do you hear,
All
the dreams, all the dares, all the sighs, all the prayers-
They
are yours, mine, and theirs: do you hear, do you hear?
As I said to the congregation sometimes we don't need the address we could just sing the hymn!!
